Detention
by VolumeofForgottenLore
Summary: A story in which Dumbledore and Snape discuss our two favorite students.


Severus Snape stared around the Headmaster's office with a blank face. It was warm, cozy, and filled with many personal items of unknown use. The previous generations of Headmaster's and Mistresses adorned the walls, either sleeping in their frames or conversing with companions. The scarlet phoenix sat on it's perch behind the grand redwood desk right next to the overstuffed leather chair. It's occupant, none other than the Headmaster himself, sat there with a warm smile on his face, blue eyes sparkling in delight. Severus narrowed his eyes. Oh how he loathed the room.

"Severus my boy. Welcome." Dumbledore held out a small bowl of sweets.

Snape looked at the candy as if it had personally offended him and declined with a not so polite hand gesture. He then turned to the headmaster.

"What have you requested me for Albus?"

Dumbledore smiled knowingly. "Surely you know." Apparently not by the look his potions professor was sending him. "I have had some…complaints."

"This is nothing new Albus. If you are here to talk to me about some whiny little brat who wrote home to their parents complaining about my teaching regime _,again, _then please do what you always do. Have them meet with me." The last sentence was said with sadistic mirth.

"No, no. I was going to talk to you about that tomorrow. But since you brought it up, the Barrows would like to have a meeting with you this Saturday. It seems they didn't approve of the detention you gave Darin."

Severus raised and eyebrow. "It is not my fault that the Barrows don't believe in proper discipline."

"Severus…" Albus was on dangerous territory now. One wrong word and he could greatly insult Severus, which would not do. The man was the one who made his beard-lengthener potion after all. "I don't believe telling a student to pick between hawthorn and blackthorn to add to an unidentified potion, and telling him the wrong ingredient would cause the drinker's entrails to melt is considered 'proper discipline'."

Severus snorted. "He was a fool to believe that." He pause and gave a satisfied smirk. "It is impossible for the wrong ingredient added to that potion would have caused the decomposition of his gastro-intestine region. It would cause them to implode."

Albus shook his head. "Regardless, the point of today's meeting is the treatment of Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Potter. What…pushed you to give them such a punishment?"

"It has come to my attention Draco and _Potter _have…changed their attitude towards one another." Snape barely shifted in his chair, showing his discomfort of the subject.

Albus's eyes twinkled. "And?"

"And because of this new founded…relationship, I had to punish them accordingly."

"By making them clean the entire quidditch pitch and then watering the grass with your special potion to make it grow fresh and green all year long?" Dumbledore settled comfortably in his chair.

Snape grunted. "Yes."

"Without magic?"

"Yes."

"And this is because they are getting along?"

Snape's lip twitched. "No."

"So what is the problem?"

"I don't like the...shift in the attitude change."

"And?"

"…And I was hoping for them to stop hexing each other on sight, nothing more."

"…And?"

Severus's left eyelid was twitching. "And they have taken things to the extreme."

"And?"

"And it's not good for the younger whelps I am supposed to teach. Next thing we know, we have a whole bunch of…of Slythindors running about. And that combination doesn't sound to appealing."

"And?"

"And don't you see the crisis?"

"Yes. And?"

Severus almost huffed in exasperation, Dumbledore noted. He was cracking the man down; his favorite pastime. "And I don't exactly mind the…inter-house unity, but this is ridiculous."

Dumbledore smiled. Snape hoped it was the end of the conversation.

"…" Dumbledore sighed, but his eyes were sparkling.

'Don't you dare say it you old buffoon!'

"..._And_?"

Snape glared. "_And _I find it an inappropriate relationship."

Dumbledore nodded his head sagely. "And why is that?"

Snape's eyes were spitting fire at the old man at this point. 'Oh, nice play old man.' "Surely you would know." 'Ha! Take that!'

"Forgive me Severus, but it seems that in my old age, I have forgotten the emotions of unruly, hormonal teenage boys. Please refresh my memory." Dumbledore's eyes were now almost blinding Snape.

'I should have saw that one coming. And the thought of Albus being unruly and hormonal...' Severus shuddered. "I find their actions extremely distasteful."

"Actually, from what I heard from the portraits here, the pictures the students have taken showed that their acts were extremely tasteful. Sir Girdoin said one picture was 'Simply Delicious'."

Snape blanched and paled. "Excuse me?"

"I have of course not seen them, but I am sure that after encountering these pictures you have confiscated them, yes?"

Snape nodded.

"May I see them?" Dumbledore was smirking beneath his beard.

"No. I burned them."

There was a silence in the room, as Dumbledore internalized this. "You. Burned. Them?"

"Yes."

"FOOL! Do you know how much money we could have made off of them? Do you?" Dumbledore jumped to his feet, knocking his extremely heavy looking chair backwards and dislodging Fawks from his perch.

Snape's eyes widened as saw the mild-mannered old man's sparkle with a hint of insanity. "Was this a wrong thing to do?" Unsure of what to expect, Snape almost whispered and stuttered his question.

"Wrong thing to- Snape!" Snape winced as he had never heard Dumbledore call him by his last name in such a way. "Do know that Harry and Draco are copulating?" With a grimace, Severus nodded. "And are you aware of the fact that they are the most sought out young men of this school?" Again, he nodded. "And are you aware that the school is full of hormonal teenagers who would die to see those two in action?" Snape shook his head. "FOOL! We could make millions selling copies of those two together. I saw Hermione Granger faint when she saw them hold hands. Lord knows what she would do if she caught them_ kissing!_" Dumbledore was wheezing in exhaustion after his rant. "Now I want you to give those two detention and make sure to oversee, _discreetly_, their detention with this." He threw Snape a camera he had taken from his robes. "Take pictures and bring them directly to me." Snape stared wide eyed at the old man who was now righting his chair and giving a consolation treat to Fawks.

"Now. Have a nice day. And don't forget your meeting with the Barrows."

Snape tried to stalk out the room, but he was too shaken up to do so, so he trotted out. His mind whirled at the new information. It was…child pornography! But then he heard Dumbledore's voice echo the words "millions" in his mind.

"I am due for a new platinum cauldron." 'And revenge on those two after the years of hell those two put me through.' "And they are of age." Snape weighed his options, and came to a decision.

With that in mind, Snape finally retained his stalking gait and went to the library, to the farthest most secluded corner. There he found Draco Malfoy attached at the mouth to Harry Potter and Harry's hand up Draco's shirt and the other hand…well yes.

"Detention!" Snape barked and glided away.

The two jumped at his voice and by the time they were able to untangle themselves, Snape was gone. Draco looked at Harry.

"It seems you have gotten yourself into another detention Potter." Draco smirked.

"Hmmmm. You too."

"Ah yes. But our last shared detention wasn't so bad."

"Yes. I recall it ending with your mouth on my neck and my hands up your shirt."

Draco grinned and raised a brow. "I wonder where you hands and mouth will end up this time?"

End

A/N: I was just inspired by a story I was reading. It is total crack and I just thought that if Dumbledore were to ever be a pervert, he would be a sly tricky one. Please don't take any of this in the wrong way, because I actually respect Dumbledore…and Snape. Please review.


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